Yoked

For almost a year and a half, I used to write letters to Loo's birth mom before I even knew her. That was the story of this blog...this blog was for her. Looking back, my words are morphing into a time capsule...to me. I realize now, I was writing to myself too. 

It's something I didn't quite understand then, but I do now. Her and I will always be yoked together. We are both mammas to a sweet little girl.

Even though we aren't physically together, I feel her, everyday. How I wish more than anything I could swoop in, wrap up my other half in a big hug, and keep her safe from the hurts she has known. My wish, sadly, feels as improbably as stumbling across a genie filled lamp. So, I'll do the only thing I know how to do...keep cheering her on from afar.

Dear Birthmom, 

Wherever you go, I hope you always know these things...

Know oh how loved you are. You are never alone, or forgotten. You aren't invisible. Know that our little lady knows your face from the pictures I show her. She knows your name. She prays for you. You are a part of her, and she is a part of you.

Know that I remember you. I remember you! I see your pain. You are tremendous for carrying on. I pray for you. You are a part of me, and I am a part of you.

Love, 

Us

Our Love

I'm learning now that there's a void in my chest like never before. Instead of being tucked safely away in a cage of bones...my heart now runs around freely outside of my body, in the form of a blue-eyed bouncing babe. Every bit of that tiny girl, and her story, has my heart. 

Sometimes I get lost in the stormy parts of the story. And as I've tried fervently to protect that precious heart of mine from the pain...I've let my fear and grief sweep me out to the swelling sea. 

As we had a peaceful moment the other day, a wave of emotion washed over me. Love. Love. Love. Oh how I love this little girl. Just like the moon pulls the tide back to land, my love for her pulls me back from the swallowing swells. 

Love. That is some powerful stuff right there! I would do anything for her because of the love I have for her. Anything. All the hard hits. All the painful parts. I fight the swelling sea because I love her. 

And that's where I'm realizing we'll find the courage to do this all over again, to find our next missing piece...we'll find strength in our love.

Our Love

Oh, I've been walking down this road, and on my own, and on my own. 

And on my own I've been searching to find my way, to find the path that you've been traveling on.

Like the trees wait for the rain to come, I feel hope in the strength of our love.

And I'm going crazy, 'cause you're moving slow. Your train ain't running like I want it to go.

Like the seas wait for the dawn to come, I feel hope in the strength of our love.

So wait for me, as I wait for you. And we'll find the love we've wanted so.

And all come true. 

-Judah and the Lion