Yesterday...

Has it really only been 7 months? I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday…and yet it feels like it was forever ago. How our world has changed since that day!  

March left me on pins and needles with anticipation…would you really come be a part of our family? So many unknowns, so many what-if's? The roller-coaster ride of our search left my rattled heart battered and bruised in the cage of my chest, it ached like never before. I knew that however this would end...there would still be pain on either side. This pain of longing for a child was a double-edged sword. I knew that the end of my heartache would mean another woman, another family, their heartache would then begin. That thought still haunts my heart with sadness to this day.  

It was the last Monday of March, mid-lunch…my phone rang and it was your birth mom calling...or so I thought. “Hi C!” I excitedly answered. My cheery greeting was met with an almost inaudible reply from your birth father…”C just had the baby…”

C just had the baby. C just had the baby. What?!

My mind couldn’t process the words your birth dad was speaking. C just had the baby. You. You were HERE!!!!

Your birth dad bravely had just minutes before delivered you…at home. You were born at home on a Monday. After the ambulance came to rush you and your birth mom away to the hospital, your birth dad called to let me know that you were HERE.  I was in shock…and I'm sure he was in shock! Either way…my head was spinning and I just couldn’t process the words he was speaking. Was!? Everyone!? Okay!? What!? Do!? We!? Do!? She!? Is!? Here!?

I raced down the hall of work shaking and shouting “she’s here…SHE’S HERE!!!” Frantic phone calls out trying to scramble a plan together...nothing was weren’t ready for you to make your grand entrance! I tried to reach your daddy…and finally was able to get a hold of him! “SHE’S HERE!!!”

I couldn’t even concentrate long enough to get things hastily squared away at work…I had to race up to the hospital to meet you. The drive was a blur…and my phone was a buzz the entire way up…calling everyone to let them know you were here! Your dad ran home to gather up our overnight bags, and he sped up to the hospital to meet us.

I made it to the hospital first. As I flew into the parking lot, I felt so urgent. My legs couldn’t get me to you fast enough! Running into the hospital, it felt so foreign for me to be there…it felt like a dream.  I asked out-of-breath at the information desk…where do I find you!?

On auto-pilot, somehow my legs found the way up to the doors of labor and delivery. "I'm here to see C...?"  and buzzzzzzzz...they let me in. 

I saw your sweet birth mom first. I quietly entered her darkened room, where she laid alone and in pain. Tears sprang to my eyes for this woman as I found my way to her side, stroking her hair, letting her know it was going to be okay. I wish more than anything to this day that I could have taken away the pain from her. 

A nurse quickly came in after me and asked if I was the adoptive mother...and if i'd like to see the baby. You. They whisked me away through the hospital halls, and as we rounded a corner I caught a glimpse of you through a window. My heart burst. Tears ran down my cheeks. A tiny beautiful bundle of a babe with dark hair. I tiptoed into the room, barely aware of all the nurses a buzz around me. It was a reverent place for me...it was the first time I met you. One nurse said..."MOM! You're just in time to pick out a bow for her!" (it was pink, with little white polka dots). Another nurse said..."let me get a picture of you holding her for the first time!" Another told me that she looked perfect, she was healthy as could be.  The nurse let me wheel you to our room...where you met your daddy for the first time. Watching him hold you is something i'll never forget. 

The rest of the day, and the next few days are so fuzzy to me now. Between nurses in-and-out, phones ringing non-stop, a steady stream of visitors, frantically gathering up everything we needed for a baby, worrying if your birth parents were okay, and making sure YOU were okay, I forgot to eat...I forgot to breath!  I just remember many moments where it felt like my head was spinning off. I DO remember how much love we instantly felt for you. So. Much. Love. 

We've settled into our little life with you now...there aren't words to describe how I feel for you. You have my heart little girl. Who knew such a tiny person could light up your world so much? Everyday I am so grateful to your birth parents...they were brave and courageous to share such a miracle with us. You are such a miracle sweet girl!