I feel like I'm just starting to get a grasp on learning how to take this adoption journey a "stepping stone" at a time. Looking too far into the future creates too much anxiety. All the what if's and unknowns stack up into an impassible mountain, blocking my view to our goal...finding our family.
So, how do I take things a stepping stone at a time?
I have a dear friend of mine facing a mountain too. And though our mountains are different (don't we ALL have mountains to face?), the way we climb can be the same...and I wanted to share her sweet, encouraging and uplifting words...
"A few months ago, I purchased a seven day jumbo pill-case. Statistically speaking, I was probably one of the youngest individuals ever to own such a product. It was a proud moment.
And then it was time to fill-‘er-up! 60 some odd pills later and I was ready for the upcoming week. Antidepressants, additional antidepressants, preventative headache medication, and much more. All to get me to a somewhat functional state.
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t waiting to be healed. Waiting to wake up one morning and just “feel good” mentally and physically. Waiting for an absence of panic attacks and obsessive compulsive behavior, for freedom from headaches and fatigue, and more than anything, for the chemicals in my brain to balance out already!
Many of the entries written in this very space focus on waiting for something. It is my testimony that it's in the "waiting" that our Father in heaven has the highest success rate in teaching us about His Son. The lessons that we learn during those dark moments are the ones that truly stick.
“Everything that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ”.
-Preach My Gospel
This is my all-time favorite quote (I've been contemplating stitching it on a pillow). And it doubles as a promise! It became a very personal, spiritual gem while I served as a missionary in southern Italy. I would read it time and time again, and recite it over and over in my mind. In my opinion, the Italian verb for “made right” more fully expresses what this promise really signifies.
“made right” (English)-- “sistemato” (Italian)
“Sistemato” means, to get “worked out”, or “figured out”, or to finally be “organized”.
After dozens of doctor’s appointments, counseling sessions, and trips to the local pharmacy,... all in an effort to “figure out” what is wrong, and bring some organization to the disorganization that is my physical body, I am lifted by the hope that all of it will one day be “made right”. I recently reviewed a talk by Elder Bednar entitled ‘Bear Up Their Burdens With Ease’. He addresses the importance of assessing our individual "loads" (trials, obligations, afflictions, basically the "heavy stuff" we carry around from day to day). He prompts us to ask: "Is the load I am carrying creating sufficient spiritual traction so I ultimately can return home to Heavenly Father?”
Too often, I see my struggles with mental health as impediments to my being able to fully serve the Lord... "I just need to get through this, and then I'll finally be useful to Him again", or "These issues are keeping me from getting things done in His kingdom". Yet, that perspective misses the mark completely. Deep down, (like, really, really deep down, all the way under many of my vital organs...) I trust that there is wisdom in my diagnosis. I know that my God is counting on my correct usage of that load to build His kingdom in ways I never would have been able to without it. I may see my struggles as stumbling blocks, but He sees them as stepping stones.
(You can find my friend's original post here...)
Deep, DEEP down, I know there's a reason why we're on this path, you and I. And I trust that there is wisdom in that, and in each stepping stone we've taken. There is His wisdom in the timing, and in the people i've coming to know, and in all the ups and downs. We're going to get to our family one day, and we'll do it one stepping stone at a time.
Love you!
Jamie
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