The Path to You

Dear Babe,

Somedays...it's really hard seeing the path to you. How I wish that it was a straight, smooth road, with lots of directions and signs along the way.

But it's not really.

Sometimes it really feels like we're stumbling our way along this unmarked trail, bushwhacking obstacles out of our way, stopping to constantly consult our map, and realign our bearings with our internal compasses. We're fighting each step on our way to find you. It's a fight we'll keep fighting, and it's a path we'll keep stumbling on, because you belong in our family...and we miss you, and want to bring you home.

Love,
Your someday momma

3 summers...

Now back to our regularly scheduled love story...

I've always loved the feeling of summer. Long, beautiful sunsets. BBQ's on the back porch, and twilight walks around the neighborhood. Ice cream, watermelon, and corn-on-the-cob. Drive-in movies, and fireworks. Lazy days and pool lounging. Family parties, vacations, and campouts. Porch rocking chairs and starry starry nights.

They are months warm with some of my most favorite memories. Three summers ago, we went on our first date. Two summers ago, we married.  Last summer, we spent the days fixing up our first house, making it our home.

I realize that this is really glazing over the rest of our "love story", but to me it's a lovely way to sum everything up. Because to me, it feels like we've had ages of summers together...when in reality we've only had three beautiful ones together. And they were full of light, laughter and love. And that's all there really is to us, and our story...light, laughter and love.

I'm excited to see what this summer has in store for us...

To The Moon...

Dear Birthdad,

I know that I write mainly to our sweet Birthmom...but I think about you often too. I hope that when the time comes for us to meet you, you'll know that we love you too.  And I hope you know that we want you to be a part of our lives. I just read this sweet story about a birthdad, and his experience with open adoption with his birthdaughter. He loves her to the moon and back...you can tell!

I hope we can have the same relationship when you come into our lives.

Love, Jamie

The Job

Dear Birthmom, 

This blog has been therapy to me. It's helped me figure out my feelings about adoption, and what I hope we can accomplish. It's a hard, hard, hard thing to work through. But I've learned that I own this story of ours, and I'm excited to see where it takes us. It's going to take us to you! 

We're so excited to meet you someday! I hope you know when we meet...it's not our job to judge you. It's not our job to figure out what you deserve. It's our job is to lift you up, to restore the broken, to heal the hurting, and to love. 

And I have a feeling...you're going to do the same job for our family. 

Love, Jamie

Family...

We love the little town where we live. It's small enough that everybody knows everybody. It's the kind of place where folks are friendly, sharing a smile and a wave as they walk by. Kids ride their bikes through the streets freely, and our park is always full (I might be biased, but it IS a pretty rad park).

One of our towns yearly tradition is a community progressive dinner. All the churches in town participate.  The route through town rotates every year. This year a first course appetizer served at the Mormon church, the main course at the Methodist church, and dessert at the Catholic church.  You can mix and mingle, catch up with old friends, and make new ones. I love this tradition, because it feels almost like a big family reunion.

We've made so many wonderful friends here that are practically family. One of my friends tonight joked as I snuck in a quick snuggle with her beautiful new baby, that I was her sisterwife. (Yeah...don't worry we don't really practice polygamy around here!). There's just such an awesome sense of friendship...this town is a big family. There's always someone there to support and love you. I'm SO excited for our babies to grow up in such an awesome place.

(Steve with our friend's snuggly baby. Be still my heart...he's a natural.)

Storms...

Dear Birthmom, 

I remember a time when things were smooth sailing in my life...I didn't have a care in the world, and I remember thinking...sheesh, life is so easy! 

And then...the storm rolled in. Life got real. I suffered like I've never suffered before. The hurt I felt took my breath away, and ripped my heart into pieces.  I'd never experienced hurt like that before. 

I ran. I was angry. I placed blame. I was sad. I was broken. 

One day after feeling overwhelmed by all of those feelings, I realized...I had a choice. I could choose how this trial would make me feel. I could choose what this trial would teach me. I could choose how I would develop, and how I would move forward from this trial. 

Since then, as I've faced the storms of life...I've taken this lesson with me. I will always face trials. It's the nature of life. It's why I'm here. But you know what...? It doesn't matter what the trial is! It's how I react to the trial that matters. I can choose to learn and grow. And I can choose happiness. 

Dear birth mom, choose happiness...because you deserve it! Choose to learn and grow...because it will help you become even more amazing! 

Love ya! 

Jamie

Grateful.

Tonight my eyes landed on the picture...the one that's above our bed. It reminded me that I'm grateful I can lean on you when things are hard. I'm grateful you've got my back. I'm grateful we're in this together, and we help each other out. I'm grateful you're my someone to talk to.  I'm grateful you lift me up and cheer me on. I'm grateful that you're by my side in this journey. I'm grateful you're my family.  

All artwork by Clare Elsaesser. I LOVE her work.