The Drive

So many thoughts and feelings buzzing around us this week...it's been really hard to process and work through. Facing hard things in life is kind of like being on a road trip with two passengers...faith and fear. You're going to need help driving on this road trip...which one would you rather have help drive? 

Our sweet friend who is facing hard things too blogged this quote today, and I loved it!

"Don't let your heart become hard. Tough times can test us and sometimes make us question God and His ways. Always reach out and strive to become closer to Him. He does hear you, He does care, and He does answer your prayers. Be open to receiving His answer as it may come in a form you least expect"

Fear is kind of a scary driver...so we're going to let faith take the wheel. 

 

The Power of Hope

Dear Birthmom,

Love you! 

Jamie

Creating Family

I love this site (BraveLove), and the awareness they are spreading about the awesomeness of adoption! They always have really touching and inspiring stories about adoption. I've loved reading their most recent story..."The Creating Family Series"...it's a 4-part story shared through the eyes of a birth mother, the daughter she raised, the daughter she placed, and the woman she chose to raise her daughter. No matter what, LOVE makes a family!

Pregnant and Scared: Through the Eye's of a Birth Mother

A Child of Two Families: Through the Eye's of the Child

Sisters: Through the Eye's of a Sister

Stepping Stones

Dear Birthmom,

I feel like I'm just starting to get a grasp on learning how to take this adoption journey a "stepping stone" at a time. Looking too far into the future creates too much anxiety. All the what if's and unknowns stack up into an impassible mountain, blocking my view to our goal...finding our family.

So, how do I take things a stepping stone at a time?

I have a dear friend of mine facing a mountain too. And though our mountains are different (don't we ALL have mountains to face?), the way we climb can be the same...and I wanted to share her sweet, encouraging and uplifting words...

"A few months ago, I purchased a seven day jumbo pill-case. Statistically speaking, I was probably one of the youngest individuals ever to own such a product. It was a proud moment.

And then it was time to fill-‘er-up!  60 some odd pills later and I was ready for the upcoming week. Antidepressants, additional antidepressants, preventative headache medication, and much more. All to get me to a somewhat functional state.   

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t waiting to be healed. Waiting to wake up one morning and just “feel good” mentally and physically. Waiting for an absence of panic attacks and obsessive compulsive behavior, for freedom from headaches and fatigue, and more than anything, for the chemicals in my brain to balance out already! 

Many of the entries written in this very space focus on waiting for something.  It is my testimony that it's in the "waiting" that our Father in heaven has the highest success rate in teaching us about His Son. The lessons that we learn during those dark moments are the ones that truly stick.

“Everything that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ”.  

-Preach My Gospel

This is my all-time favorite quote (I've been contemplating stitching it on a pillow). And it doubles as a promise! It became a very personal, spiritual gem while I served as a missionary in southern Italy.  I would read it time and time again, and recite it over and over in my mind.  In my opinion, the Italian verb for “made right” more fully expresses what this promise really signifies.  

“made right” (English)-- “sistemato” (Italian)

“Sistemato” means, to get “worked out”, or “figured out”, or to finally be “organized”.

After dozens of doctor’s appointments, counseling sessions, and trips to the local pharmacy,... all in an effort to “figure out” what is wrong, and bring some organization to the disorganization that is my physical body, I am lifted by the hope that all of it will one day be “made right”.  I recently reviewed a talk by Elder Bednar entitled ‘Bear Up Their Burdens With Ease’.  He addresses the importance of assessing our individual "loads" (trials, obligations, afflictions, basically the "heavy stuff" we carry around from day to day).  He prompts us to ask: "Is the load I am carrying creating sufficient spiritual traction so I ultimately can return home to Heavenly Father?”  

Too often, I see my struggles with mental health as impediments to my being able to fully serve the Lord... "I just need to get through this, and then I'll finally be useful to Him again", or "These issues are keeping me from getting things done in His kingdom". Yet, that perspective misses the mark completely. Deep down, (like, really, really deep down, all the way under many of my vital organs...) I trust that there is wisdom in my diagnosis. I know that my God is counting on my correct usage of that load to build His kingdom in ways I never would have been able to without it. I may see my struggles as stumbling blocks, but He sees them as stepping stones. 

(You can find my friend's original post here...)

Deep, DEEP down, I know there's a reason why we're on this path, you and I. And I trust that there is wisdom in that, and in each stepping stone we've taken.  There is His wisdom in the timing, and in the people i've coming to know, and in all the ups and downs. We're going to get to our family one day, and we'll do it one stepping stone at a time. 

Love you!

Jamie

Two is too few

I LOVE art. Love, love, love it. It's in my blood...I come from a family of some pretty dang artistic and creative people. When I was a little girl, I was always doodling, and thought that being an animator at Disney would be my dream job. (Yeeeah...that dream never quite happened...)

BUT, I still love art, and I still love to doodle, and create. One of my favorite things about our house is it's like a mini art gallery. It's full of art that either I created, or favorite prints from other amazing artists that I've come across. I'm always on the search for something new for our walls! (Just ask Steve...he loves how I'm constantly moving things around...hehehe).

A few pieces from the Haslam gallery of late that have tugged at my heart strings...

Two is too few by Caitlin Connolly

there, there by Caitlin Connolly

Elizabeth Ann by Beth Allen

Doodle from my sketch book

8 years

I was thinking today about how long it took for Steve and I to find each other. 8 years. 8 years of highs and lows. 8 years of dead ends and try agains. 8 years of do I give up, or keep going.

8 years later...we finally found each other. 

But you know what? I would have waited around for him another 100 years if I knew that it was him I was waiting for. He was worth the wait!

Looking back, as hard and painful at times it was,  I wouldn't trade those years for anything...because it's all the sweeter now. I learned about myself, and I grew into a better person because of those 8 years. 

As we're looking for our missing pieces, who knows how long we'll search? 1 year? 8 years? 20 years?  How every long it may be, I do know one thing. It will be worth the wait...

Patchwork

We knew right off the bat that having children would be a tough path to go down. We knew that we were in for an adventure.  I don't think I was quite knew what this would do to my heart though...I read this quote this morning...and it struck me to my core.

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." -E. Stone 

I've realized that my heart is definitely walking outside of my body. Instead of safely tucked inside a cage of bones...it's running, racing, and tumbling FREE.

I think that cage cracked open when we first shared our decision to adopt. That...that was the beginning. Our hearts spilling out, we decided to open up for all to see. It has been an extremely humbling and vulnerable thing to depend on someone else to help us grow our family in this way.

The upsets and disappointments we've come across have chipped away at our hearts each time. And as we've learned the stories of some amazing expectant mothers...we've willingly left a piece of our hearts with each of them.  That is something I didn't quite expect...how much I would feel the holes that were left. Hearts are precious things after all...

But this running, racing and tumbling heart of mine...it's turning out just fine. Those battle-scars have been covered with a patchwork of love. The help, support and encouragement we've received along the way has helped our hearts grow in ways that I could have never imagined possible.

And loving others I've learned...doesn't leave holes in your heart...it just makes your heart bigger.