Infertility is a hard thing to face. A really hard thing. Our broken bodies can't create the one thing we crave most. A baby. There are difficult days on this journey, but moving forward on a healing path, instead of and angry and bitter one has been the best way to accept what we're up against. Just because our bodies are broken, doesn't mean our sprits are!
I follow a blog by a woman who is also facing infertility. Mara has such an incredible outlook on life! I've had the same questions, doubts and fears that she's had. I LOVE her approach and attitude towards facing this trial. Yesterday she shared her thoughts on healing. She says it so much better than I ever can...so I'll share her words...
If my body can't create a baby, how can I still be a mother? What I do to heal from this?
"I think of my truest identity. Instead of feeling conflicted with the "motherhood identity" that I "should" have, or that everybody else has, or that I can't have...I cling to a more important identity which is that of being a Woman of God or a woman full of light and love. That identity I can have. (We can all have that!) Living THAT identity does not require a baby. It does not require a husband, either. And I remind myself that if I couldn't pursue THAT identity first and foremost, I wouldn't be the kind of mother or wife I would want to be, anyway.
Even though things haven't turned out the way I had hoped, I try to focus my thoughts on gratitude for the entire experience of infertility - as it has changed me. I am a different woman because of it and I would never, ever, ever want to go back! It has taught me everything good that I know. It has made me who I am. Reminding myself of this and focusing on gratitude helps the anger to dissolve.
Instead of being sad that my life won't look like everyone else's, I remind myself that I can still contribute in life. I'll try my best to do my part, just like I know everyone else is doing, too.
I don't want to be isolated or feel on the outside and I know it would be 100% self-inflicted if I chose to feel that way (because seriously, my friends and their beautiful children are some of the best people ever.) And so, when I show up to church or friend gatherings, I just try to reach out to people with love (as they do the same for me.) I wish I could be even better, but I'm glad I've had so many opportunities to practice this as it has resulted in the best connections ever with so many people whom I love so, so dearly. My heart aches thinking of how much I would have missed out on if I chose not participate, or chose to shy away from other mothers, or to sulk and feel far away, thinking that I didn't belong. In reality, I think we ALL can relate to each other and support each other in so many ways, even in our very diverse circumstances. Doesn't matter if we are married, divorced, single, lesbian, infertile, mother of 6, childless, etc...we are ALL in this together. If only there was more time in each day to connect with more people."
You can find her original post here!
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